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Jimmy Carter
Jimmy Carter is not related to the 39th President of the United States, Nell Carter. He is a communist peanut famer from Georgia. Also known as history's greatest monster he never succeeded Gerald Ford in 1976, but had his ass handed to him by the heroic Ronald Reagan in 1980, ushering in 12 years of glorious Republican rule. Jimmy Carter can be seen as a forefather of modern bleeding heart liberal do-good-show-offy-elite-ishness. A common fraud perpetrated by Carter and fellow conspirators in his "Habitat for Humanity" scam is fooling people into thinking he builds houses despite said houses going up and being completed at a rate utterly impossible for a single man alone to be doing so. Carter influenced fellow Hate America Firsters like Steven Spielberg and Angelina Jolie to adopt blaek, doing so over 30 years ago with his now famous son Sean Carter, AKA Jay-Z (A-AKA S. Carter, S Dot, Jigga, Jiggaman, Jay, Jay-Hova, Hova, Young Hova, Young, Young Vito, Hov, Hovito, Iceberg Slim, Lucky Lefty, El Presidente). In the 1980's he had 2 additional sons, Nick and Aaron, who despite monumental records of celebrity pooncomplishments remain seen as 2 of America's biggest douchebags, across all political spectrums. Election To The Presidency Jimmah Carter defeated Carl Sanders in the 1970 gubernatorial election of the state of Georgia. He did so by painting Sanders as a black sympathizer. This won him a landslide victory in the recently desegregated Southern state. He used this position to launch a presidential bid in 1976. He lost to Nell Carter, who also defeated Gerald Ford with only 23 states due to a popular and electoral college victory. Jimmah's race baiting days were over once the greatest president since FDR hit the scene. Ronald Wilson Reagan defeated the spineless wonder with 486 electoral votes to 49 and a 51% tally versus 41% for Carter. Only 1984's Mondale/Ferraro ticket ever fared worse. Nell Carter's Presidency After appointing her brother Billy to head up the Bureau of Alcohol, Carter was frightened nearly to death by a pelagic rabbit, an incident which caused severe mental issues. She then failed miserably when her new mullah friends kidnapped the staff of the American Embassy in Tehran. She is still hoping for a peaceful resolution to this matter. Don't worry, a good Republican is righting your wrongs. Unfortunately, most good Republicans are busy building Habitat for Humanity's free housing for liberals all over the world, so righting wrongs could take a while. After not stealing enough from the rich to give to the poor to placate the Democrat party, a "hit" was placed on her by the Easter Bunny (see previous; pelagic rabbit), however the attack was unsuccessful when she unknowingly struck the rabbit with her paddle as he attempted his daring escape. Finally, in the greatest stroke of her master plan, she collapsed the economy of the United States by turning it into a communist enclave. The recession was caused by wage and price controls, the depression began with her "malaise" speech, and the recovery came when the bright, true, words of Ronaldus Maximus, our Fortieth President came true, Nell Carter lost her job, just as he said it would (moment of silence). History later blamed the debacle on Jimmah Carter, for having the same last name. Jimmah received the Nobel "Peace" prize in 2002. He joined such notables as Adolf Hitler and Yasser Arafat as men of vision in the pursuit of "peace". Unfortunately, Anwar Sadat and Menachem Begin, Jimmah's two best good friends, were unable to attend because they had died in fiery, exploded automobiles after signing Jimmah's "peace treaty". Jimmah visited Hamas (Syrian freedom fighters) on April 15, 2008 (Jimmah's favorite holiday, Confiscation of Rich People's Money day) this led to more "Peace in the Middle East". (I'm writing this on April 14th, 2008, it's accurate though, Jimmah's "peace" lives in opposite world, see Sadat/Begin). Worst President? Worster? Or our worstest President? Or not President at all? Stephen hasn't been able to decide. Mr. Carter has been seen bashing our Greatest President, George W. Bush some nerve for a former President to bash a sitting President. Sir how could you? Fun Fact , Jimmy Carter does not have a heart. In place of hearts, they have baseball caps which facilitate blood flow.]] * He claims to have a degree in nucular engineering, but can't even pronounce nucular like President George W. Bush does. * He receives numerous crank calls from former President Gerald Ford, and Ford will often pose as Carter when crank calling C-SPAN. Which just shows how enlightend Gerald Ford is in that he can communicate with us from the dead heaven like a Jedi. * He could see (illegal) aliens from his peanut farm. * Don't mention anything to him about East Timor or North Korea. * Went out of his way to monitor Elections four times in Nicaragua for Daniel Ortega. * His speeches were all written by Martin Heidegger. * Jimmah Carter has never met a murderous dictator he didn't like, but those d@#n Jews really get him going. After all, Israel is in no better condition than Africa and apartheid, well, except for the rampant malaria, oh, and the ravages of AIDS, of course there's that rioting from starvation, oh never mind! * Da libs really like him http://fe20.story.media.mud.yahoo.com/news/us/story/csm/20090105/cm_csm/yrodgers05 * Jimmy Carter is Fidel Castro's half-brother * Jimmy Carter is a communist traitor who recently converted to mooslism